The Automatik

I saw next to zero new films this year, so making a list of Top Ten Films would be presumptuous. However, there were plenty of other things to talk about, so hopefully you will enjoy them.

Top Ten Albums of 2003(Once again, this includes new releases, old favorites, and just-discovered gems.)

1. Sloan, Action Pact: The phoenix rocking out from the ashes of Pretty Together and not a moment too soon. Pardon the heresy, but I didn’t even mind the lack of Andrew Scott. ‘”The Rest of My Life”‘ manages to be funny, catchy, and patriotic without being Toby Keith. Sloan isn’t Canada’s answer to anything American because there is no one else like them here. That’s what makes them so great. So if you haven’t heard them yet, then you should. Now if we could only get Chris Murphy on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy…
2. The Vines, Highly Evolved: I got this in 2002 but hated it. What the hell was I thinking? Bring on the Nirvana and Redd Kross rip off accusations, I don’t give a shit. This band is damn good.
3. Super Furry Animals, Phantom Power: Even better than last year’s Rings Around the World, this was stuck in the CD player for weeks. Yeti costumes! It doesn’t get any better than that.
4. XTC, Black Sea: Add Skylarking, Drums and Wires, and English Settlement to the list. I’ve owned these albums for a while now and have listened to them many times, but XTC’s uncannily unique sound and bitingly clever lyrics seem more relevant than ever these days.
5. Radiohead, Hail to the Thief: How is it that Radiohead get better and better with each album? I can think of no other band that has achieved this in the last twenty years.
6. Duran Duran, The Singles�1981-1986: The layout is a glorious time machine, faithfully reconstructing the artwork of the original singles, and capturing the feeling that made us fall in love with Duran Duran in the first place. Twenty years has not diminished the New Wave wonderment of “Faster Than Light.”
7. The Super Friendz, Love Energy: I will never understand why every thrift store t-shirt wearing hipster in America doesn’t worship this band. Oh wait, many of those people like The White Stripes. Never mind.
8. Hanson, Underneath Acoustic: Anyone who doesn’t like Hanson has probably never actually sat and listened to them.
9. Adam Ant, B Side Babies: I’ve had this album since it came out and I never listened to it once until this year. What empty years those were! Stuart Goddard may be a nut these days, but he is a phenomenally smart and talented songwriter that should not be overlooked.
10. The Joel Plaskett Emergency, Truthfully Truthfully and Thrush Hermit, Clayton Park: The mere existence of Thrush Hermit begs the question, “Why isn’t Joel Plaskett a superstar?” Truthfully Truthfully is not as solidly brilliant as Down at the Khyber, but “Radio Fly” is one of the greatest melancholy pop songs of the last few years.

Top Ten Best Things About 2003

1. Shaun. You’re still number one on any list.
2. Willi. The cutest dog in the whole world.
3. My family. I love and appreciate them more now than I ever have before.
4. All the new folks I’ve met on LiveJournal who have shown me that not everyone one meets on the internet is a socially retarded creep. But I have one complaint: why can’t you live closer to me?
5. My former boss quitting, also known as “the single biggest asset to my sanity.”
6. Eating better and exercising. I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m so much closer than I was before.
7. Not having to apologize for being myself.
8. Finding out that a herniated disk and misaligned vertebrae cause my chronic shoulder pain. It’s still painful, but at least I can deal with it now.
9. Not staying out all night drinking in bars.
10. Nostalgia.

Top Ten Worst Things About 2003

1. Car accidents.
2. Pet surgery.
3. Being flat fucking broke.
4. The realization that the workplaces of corporate America suck ass unless you make a hell of a lot of money.
5. The death of Elliott Smith.
6. Rock stars. They’re killing rock music, you know. Lester Bangs said so twenty years ago and it’s truer than ever. Jack White, you should be ashamed of yourself.
7. The RIAA.Quit lying about your intentions, admit that you’re a bunch of Capitalist pigs, and fuck off.
8. The scary world we live in.
9. The Shim Sham’s untimely demise.
10. Nostalgia.

The Cool Shit (aka, “If I was a hipster writer for a trendy magazine, I’d put these things on my list” Items of 2003)

1. David Cross. Let America Laugh proves the theory that 99% of the world’s population are idiots. It also proves that just because someone is a fan of something cool, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have a clue. Finally, it demonstrates that you don’t have to be a rock star to have stupid groupies. If you believed in a god, Mr. Cross, he’d surely be looking up and smiling at you.
2. The Lord of the Rings movies. I can’t believe they’re over. The greatest franchise since Star Wars. Are you listening, George Lucas?
3. VH1 Classic. It’s been around for a few years, but it has improved dramatically since I watched it back in 2001. It’s the greatest video channel ever, next to MTV circa 1982. Why leave the house when you can watch Split Enz videos?
4. Vice Magazine’s Guide to Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. This is more than three ex-punks-cum-criminals giving advice on scoring free drugs and giving head or making fun of random strangers’ fashion choices. This is a mind-blowingly informed collection of pieces that educates while it amuses. The revolution may not be televised, but it just might be in Vice. Plus, their advice on giving head is pretty good.
5. The Practice and The O.C. James Spader has single-handedly redeemed David E. Kelley for assaulting us with Ally McBeal. Please nominate Mr. Spader for an Emmy. Thank you. And as for The O.C., this show is more clever and realistic than Beverly Hills 90210 ever was and as addictive as crack.
6. Redd Kross will have a new album in 2004 called Black Motorcycle Madonna. A reason to go on living!
7. Mystery Science Theater 3000. It never fails to make me laugh, no matter how crappy I feel. I don’t care that no new episodes are being produced and that the Sci Fi channel only plays the last few seasons. I’ve got 45 videotapes and a VCR. Plus, I’ve discovered the wonder of DapCentral. What do you think, sirs?
8. Lost in Translation. Of the few films I saw this year, Lost in Translation deserves a special mention. I’d like to take back anything bad I ever said about Sofia Coppola. This is a gorgeous piece of art featuring some of my favorite things: karaoke, The Jesus and Mary Chain, and Bill Murray.
9. The Pirates of the Caribbean. I’m not sure if my love for this film results from my expectations of hating any Jerry Bruckheimer product or if it just stirred up my dormant love of the Disney ride, but I don’t care either way. It can stand proudly next to The Princess Bride and that is a tremendous compliment. Johnny Depp as Keith Richards as a pirate is hot. My mom even thinks so.
10. The Downtown Toronto HMV. They have at least 30 different Fall CDs, more box sets than I’ve even heard of, and an entire section devoted to Klaus Nomi. Virgin Megastore, you’ve been warned.